


Figuring Out What To Do With All This Time

by uproaring



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Feelings Jams, Heart-to-Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 09:32:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6950791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uproaring/pseuds/uproaring
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peridot has been avoiding Lapis, and Lapis decides to have a heart-to-heart chat with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Figuring Out What To Do With All This Time

**Author's Note:**

> vague spoilers for barn mates and hit the diamond. it's better to skip this for now if you're planning on watching the episodes when the properly air. (and even if you watched the leaks, you should if you can! support the show!)

Sharing the barn with Peridot wasn’t nearly as bad as Lapis thought it would be. Peridot usually stayed on the upper level, rewatching her _Camp Pining Hearts_ DVDs obsessively. Lapis noticed she would sometimes ask Steven for different shows, but quickly move back to _CPH_. Lapis was sure she’d have the theme song of that stupid dramedy stuck in her head for the next millennium.

Lapis also noticed, when she wasn’t methodically avoiding her, that Peridot had a habit of staring her, opening her mouth to say something when Lapis stared back, then snapping it closed; her face would flush and she would walk away quickly. Lapis joked to herself that she should be grateful Peridot had a filter for once, but it was troubling, especially after Steven said she should give her a chance.

However, Lapis knew that she couldn’t be blunt and just ask Peridot what was up. Peridot had gotten too good at avoiding her, and she didn’t want her to freak out. Really. She’d have to get her when she’d least expect it.

 

* * *

 

Peridot had started watching the sun come up on the silo near the barn ever since the run-in with the Rubies. She’d first seen Paulette and Percy do it together in _Camp Pining Hearts_ , and while just seeing the writers try to force a “relationship” out of them made her want to call those clods up and give them a piece of her mind, it gave her the perfect and foolproof idea to ask Lapis to join her. (Of course, all her ideas are perfect and foolproof, just some more than others.)

Lapis had either said no or ignored her, and when she lamented about this to Steven, he encouraged her to keep trying. He said something about Lapis being a “tough cookie to crack,” and while Peridot didn’t know anything about combining raw ingredients and chemicals to make sweetened fuel units, she really felt _feelings_ of some sort towards Lapis.

That was the thing about these feelings. Before she was stranded on Earth and became a Crystal Gem, Peridot had a word for everything she was feeling and everything she would feel. Too many words, actually. She had a tendency to overexplain herself, something that has only increased alongside her anxiety.

But with new experiences came new emotions, and suddenly none of the overabundance of words she knew had any depth anymore. She caught herself sounding more and more like a common Ruby, flubbering about like a moron trying to articulate herself. It was embarrassing. _She_ was embarrassing. Peridot didn’t even want to think about these newer feelings that Lapis had brought about.

“If only I still had my tape recorder, I could--”

“Could what?”

Peridot yelps, jumping up, teetering, and flapping her arms to balance herself.

“Lazuli!” Peridot stares at her like a deer in headlights. “I, uh, didn’t see you there! I was just, um, ‘hanging’ on this,” she glances at down at the silo, putting her hands on her hips, “cylinder grain container.”

Lapis follows her glance. “You mean ‘silo’?”

“Y-- Yeah! Silo, cylinder grain container, you know how it is!”

“Know how _what_ is?”

Peridot gulps. _Change the subject, play it cool..._

“So, hey, not changing the subject at all to stop this from being any more awkward than it already is, but… can I help you?”

Lapis sits down and jerks her head to the side, inviting Peridot to sit, all the while keeping her eyes on the sky. Peridot hesitantly sits next to her-- not too close that it would be intimate, but not far enough to be insulting. She hugs her knees to her chest and glances to the sky, to Lapis, and back.

“So… what is it that--”

“Are you avoiding me?” Lapis asks, not aggressive but tired. Peridot noticed she seemed so tired, even if gems didn’t need sleep.

“I… um…” Peridot looks over to Lapis, who was laying on her back, arms behind her head, glaring at the sky. “No, I just...” She pauses. “Why? Are you mad at me?”

Lapis sighs. “Do I look mad?”

Peridot makes a noncommittal noise.

Lapis rolls her eyes. “ _No,_ I’m not mad. You’re just… confusing.”

Peridot curls into a ball. “Why?”

“You just-- First, you’re talking to me nonstop, trying to get me to forgive you, giving me your useless garbage, and then once I finally start to warm up to you, you avoid me and act like you’re scared of me!”

Peridot’s eyes go wide, and she loosens up. “You like me?” Her voice is small, hesitant.

“I said ‘starting to’.” Lapis glares up at Peridot; Peridot looks back at the sky, urging the sun to rise so she could escape this conversation.

There is a pause so big and agonizingly stiff that Peridot almost thinks her gem will crack under the pressure.

“I’ve been having… _feelings,_ ” she begins, testing the water.

“What kind of feelings?” Lapis sounds disinterested, not even looking at her, and Peridot wishes she could disappear.

Peridot points at the sky, which was beginning to turn golden. “The sun will come up soon. It’s… cool.”

“Don’t change the subject.” Lapis sits up. Even sitting up, she looks down on Peridot. “What kind of feelings?”

Peridot perks up a bit. “You wanna know?”

Lapis shrugs. “You want me to understand you, right?”

Peridot nods and Lapis can almost see stars in her eyes. Lapis’s face heats up and she turns away, trying to hide it. “Just… tell me.”

Peridot uncurls herself, placing her shaking hands on her knees. “These… feelings... are very… difficult.”

Lapis hums. Peridot takes a deep breath.

“On Homeworld, everyone and everything had a place and a purpose. There was no need to go outside these boundaries, because everything was there for a reason. I thought it made sense, so I didn’t question it. I… I don’t know if I had the capacity to question it.”

Peridot glances at Lapis; Lapis looks at her and nods. Peridot nods back.

“But on Earth, everything is… _different!_ ” Peridot throws her arms in the air to aid emphasis and Lapis stifles a laugh. Peridot doesn’t even notice and continues her rant. “Steven says that the only rules are that there _are_ no rules, but that doesn’t even make any sense! I just don’t understand how anything works around here! What do you do when what made sense isn’t what makes sense anymore!?”

“It’s a paradox, huh?” 

“A what?” Peridot puts her arms down and stares at Lapis.

“A paradox,” she repeats, looking at Peridot.

“I know what you said!” Peridot groans. She holds her face in her hands and looks to the sky, which was turning more orange and pink by the minute. “Can you... use it in a sentence?”

“Uh.” Lapis lays back down. “Earth’s logic is a paradox?”

Peridot chuckles sardonically. “That’s not helpful.”

Lapis shrugs. “Sorry. I can try again?”

Peridot says nothing. Lapis continues, softly, “These… mixed feelings feel like a paradox.”

Peridot looks at her, searching for something. “What… do you mean?”

“You’re not the only one with feelings, Peridot,” Lapis says, tsking. Peridot stares a hole in her, and Lapis wants to fly away. “Don’t act like you’re the only one on this stupid planet who doesn’t understand things.”

“I’m-- not!” Peridot looks down, pretending to memorize the patterns in the silo’s roof. She takes a deep, shaky breath (one she doesn’t need, she reminds herself, since gems don’t need to breathe, but she’s becoming more and more earthly) and tries again.

“Look, Lazuli, I’m not trying to say that I’m the only one who’s changed, or anything like that. I just thought that…” She bites her lip. “N… No. _No_. Nevermind.”

“You thought what?” Lapis sits up quickly, scooting closer to Peridot, who shrinks. “Thought what, Peridot?”

Peridot smiles nervously. “That kinda rhymes.”

“ _Peridot._ ”

“I don’t know!” Peridot jumps up, away from Lapis. She can see the sun finally, finally rising, almost blinding. “I just thought that _maybe_ if I explained myself, we could grow closer and finally be friends!”

Lapis looks at Peridot, and Peridot recognizes the searching look in her eyes as the one she had earlier; she holds a breath she doesn’t need, squeezing her hands together tightly.

“That’s it?”

“Huh?”

“That’s all you had to tell me?” Lapis is incredulous; she stands up and crosses her arms.

Peridot looks away. “Y…Yes?”

Lapis narrows her eyes at her before throwing her hands up in the air, shrugging. “Alright.”

“Al… right?”

“I’m gonna leave now.” She turns her back towards her and summons her wings. “Bye, Peridot.”

“Wait!”

Lapis waits. Peridot blushes, and she looks at the same spot on the silo’s roof. “I… think…”

Lapis tilts her head. “Hmm?”

“That… you… you’re…” Peridot looks up, smiling coyly, “kind of a tough cookie to crack.”

Lapis pauses before bursting into laughter, her shoulders shaking as the sun rises behind her, giving her an ethereal halo. Peridot almost believes the sun came up just for them, that they’re the only ones on Earth, that Lapis is glowing. That she wanted something other than friendship, something she couldn’t place. Lapis was beautiful.

Peridot grins, clasping her hands together.

Lapis calms down and gives Peridot a small smile. “I don’t really know what you mean, but I’ll… see you around?”

Peridot nods, still grinning, and Lapis flies away, off towards the beach house.

“ _Wowie,_ ” Peridot whispers, watching as Lapis disappears over the horizon.


End file.
